On Your Left
by Merilindir
Summary: Steve Rogers is actually kind of an asshole (or, the citizens of New York are victims of Steve's annoying jogging habits). Sort of a 4 plus 1 where four times Steve is a troll and one time he gets what's coming to him.


**This isn't Age of Ultron compliant but it's not a big deal really. Guess it's not Thor 2 compliant either. It is CA:TWS compliant.**

 **I can't believe I started and finished something in a single day. Hasn't been proofread by anyone but me.**

 **I didn't really know what to do with Bucky so I apologize in advance.**

* * *

 **Sam**

Sam should have seen it coming. It's not like saving Captain America's life and helping him take down an evil organization would make the man any less _annoying_. After that whole debacle, Sam was introduced to the Avengers and set up in the fancy tower with an AI and Tony fucking Stark. Living with the Avengers is fun and they do good work when trouble comes knocking, but Sam has his things he likes to do alone. Namely, morning jogs and helping out at veteran support groups.

He's on a new route (he's still trying to figure out the best places to run) when he hears the surprisingly light footfalls coming up fast, the annoyingly steady breathing, and apparently they're doing this again because he's close behind Sam, on his-

"On your left!"

"STEVE YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" He shouts at the figure that speeds past him and around a corner, and he slows down to catch his breath and check the new text he just got. He takes one look and almost chucks his phone at the nearest wall.

 _language! ;)_

 **Peter**

It's an ordinary 'beat up bad guys before physics' morning when the Trapster attacks. At least it isn't the Rhino again. Seriously, where do these schmucks come up with their names? And where do they get the idea that it's a good idea to have a criminal career in New York? Anyway, the Trapster is as annoying as they come. Peter tries to keep the property damage to a minimum but with a guy that likes glue and explosions it's not working out too great.

When the Trapster attacked, the immediate surrounding area cleared out pretty quickly. Of course, a good number of people stuck around. They're New Yorkers and tourists, so they have their phones out despite the safety risk. Hey, anything to get five minutes of fame and a few hundred notes on tumblr, right?

So it's a complete surprise when Peter senses someone coming up behind him. He turns to give this civilian a tongue lashing and maybe forceful relocation but at the same time his Spidey senses are going haywire and turning his back on a supervillian was probably a bad idea-

"On your left!" the guy shouts and decks the Trapster in the face.

"Thanks, uh, Cap…?" Peter trails off as Captain America and his very nice butt jog away. Peter isn't really interested but it's a _nice_ butt even though thinking about it feels like he's desecrating the American flag. The only reason he really notices anyway is because of all the hashtags on instagram and twitter.

And now he's late for class.

 **Loki**

Loki has been on Midgard for a few months now, and has spent most of that time in New York. Some would say that returning to his personal Waterloo is a bad idea, but the truth is Loki doesn't really know where else to go. He _likes_ the city that never sleeps. As an added bonus, some of the Avengers are usually in town, and they're always fun to play with when Loki inevitably gets bored.

His current disguise is a man named Tom, a twenty-something university student taking online courses and working part-time at the library. Tom is well-liked by his co-workers and neighbors. Part of that is because of Tom's baking skills, but apparently bribing people with baked goods to get into their good graces is a perfectly acceptable practice on Midgard.

Because he's put so much effort into keeping this façade under the radar, Loki is understandably alarmed when Captain America is spotted in his neighborhood. A news station and helpful Twitter trends inform him that Rogers' jogging routes are a special urban phenomenon. There are even instagram photos showcasing the captain's "magnificent american booty", which Loki privately agrees is very nice, especially in those jogging shorts.

Loki only has to visit a small coffee shop on Rogers' jogging route a handful of times before the man himself shows up. He knows the captain is coming because Loki has his laptop out and is doing homework and checking twitter, where Midgardians are helpfully posting Cap sightings with their locations. The whole thing happens very quickly, Rogers calling out "on your left" as people fall over themselves trying to get out of his way.

Loki laughs lowly and promises to use the phrase next time he's up against the good Captain in battle.

 **Bucky**

He knows it's risky hanging out around Captain America's jogging route but he can't deny that he's curious. The Smithsonian museum says that he's Steve Rogers' best friend. Or, he was. It was probably him. He's still a little fuzzy on the details. He doesn't even know what to call himself these days. James? Barnes? Bucky?

 _Who the hell is Bucky?_

Anyway, since the whole HYDRA/SHIELD thing, he's been here and there, and maybe following Steve to New York because he's apparently the only link he has to he was-might have been. It's a complete coincidence that the golden boy himself runs past him in Central Park. Well, where he was hiding in a tree. (He was tired. It's a nice tree.) Since then, he _(James? Bucky?)_ has been keeping a sharp eye out for New York's #1 famous jogger. Apparently, the routes he takes change every month or so, so Bucky _(?)_ waits for him in the park and gets to see the super soldier run by like clockwork, shouting "on your left!" at people.

As far as he can tell from his limited memories, Captain-Stevie- _Steve_ hasn't changed much, except for the muscles and stuff. Still the same little shit he always was. It's comforting to know that in a world that has changed so much that some things stay the same.

 **Matt**

Before he lost his sight, and a few times after, Matt read about the righteous and good Captain America who stood for truth, justice, and homemade apple pie. He never thought the captain would be such a _troll._ It takes a while to figure out it's him, because it takes a few weeks before the mysterious jogger passes by (on his left) when Foggy is around.

"Dude thats- that was Captain America!" Foggy stage whispers. Well, that explains the weirdly steady heartbeat for a man running that fast. It takes a few more encounters before Matt is attuned to the Captain and can hear him coming from four blocks away.

Matt hears the steady heartbeat and quick footfalls again, and this morning he's prepared. The Captain is coming up behind him quick where Matt is waiting at a crosswalk and as he says "on your left" it's so simple to sweep out his cane and-

THWACK

Steve goes sprawling, and Matt is doing his damned best not to laugh.

"Sorry about that," he apologizes, not sorry at all, "I didn't see you there." Matt taps Steve with his cane a few times to complete the Blind Man Routine then crosses the street because God favored him with a convenient light change. Later, he'll go have a latte with Father and confess that he tripped an old man in the street.


End file.
